That's What Happens When You Kill Yoda!
by Hyper Riceball
Summary: Fruits Basket Final Fantasy Eight Crossover! Rating just for future language..
1. Only Seifer Can prevent Forest Fires!

DISCLAIMER: Fruits Basket and Final Fantasy don't belong to me. They belong to Takaya Natsuki, and Square. ON WITH THE MEATBALLS!  
  
Intro: Okay, this occurred to me while eating my daily dosage of Reese's Puffs cereal. A Fruits Basket and Final Fantasy VIII crossover! w00t! Oh, and I'm calling them all SeeDs, cuz I'm not gonna constantly say SeeDs plus Seifer every five seconds.  
  
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Zell sniffed the air. With his super-keen sense of sensing, he sensed something sensible.and evil. "Hey Squall," he said, eyeing the familiar Balamb Garden around him, "Something feels.different."  
  
Squall blinked and shouted out at the top of his lungs "." Cuz we all know that's his FAVORITE word.  
  
Selphie bounced up and down excitedly. "Oh boy, what is it? What is it?" She didn't have Zell's super-keen sensing abilities, so she just waited around for people to tell her what was going on.  
  
Zell pointed to the infirmary. "The evil aura! It's coming from in there!" Naturally, he just HAD to follow the inherited Dincht instincts and zoom into the infirmary to investigate. The significant others, which consist of Squall, Seifer, and Selphie, followed close behind because if they didn't my story would be ruined.  
  
Scurrying into the infirmary, they gasped at what they saw. "It's.a monster!" Zell pointed out, as if the others couldn't see it.  
  
With gaping jaws and razor-sharp teeth, the monster headed straight toward Squall. Luckily, Squall was smart enough to counter with his gunblade, causing the monster to be cut in half. "There we go," he said, doing his little victory pose.  
  
Thinking they were safe, the SeeDs turned around to head back to the dormitory and tease Zell for no reason other than to be mean to Zell cuz I HATE HIM. But then they heard a growl coming from the ceiling! They looked up and were surprised to see another monster, short with big ears and a sickly green color, wrapped up in a rawhide cloak and a lightsaber tucked in its belt. "Woah look! It's Yoda!" Zell pointed out so he could state the obvious again til the monster proved him WRONG by saying he WASN'T Yoda.  
  
"I am not Yoda," it said, "The creature you just killed was Yoda. I am his twin brother, Elisius."  
  
"So what you're trying to say." said Seifer, ".is that Yoda just came flying through the air with gnashing teeth trying to kill Squall?" The SeeDs looked at each other and blinked.  
  
Elisius nodded. The SeeDs wondered what was wrong with their little green deceased friend. "Now then." he said frowning, "I am here to punish you for killing Yoda. I shall banish you to the realm of.uh.the Sohmas!" And with that, he whisked the SeeDs off their feet and into a whole `nother dimension! WHOOSH!!!!  
  
"Woah.where the hell are we?" Zell said, standing up. "Ow, my butt." Squall looked around and pointed to a huge Japanese-style compound right in front of them. "Wow.It's behind some really big walls.Must be private!" Selphie noted, examining the sign on the gigantic door. "It says.Sohma. Hmm, this must be another Garden! The Sohma Garden! I wonder why I've never heard about it, though."  
  
"I think it's some evil place where they have concentration camps for flies!" Zell shouted cuz he's a moron. "Let's check it out!" So he summoned the Ifrit and knocked the door down. "Boy, GFs are so efficient! C'mon, guys! Let's go in!"  
  
Zell led the way, even though Squall should be doing so, and even though Seifer thinks HE should be doing so.  
  
They scanned their area. It was like a big humungadunga town inside! A big EMPTY humungadunga town! "Where is everybody?" asked Selphie curiously.  
  
"Nice trenchcoat," a sudden voice said.  
  
Seifer turned around to see a boy about fifteen smiling at him. He lifted an eyebrow. "It's a LOT better than yours." The kid was wearing a big white-ish trenchcoat with a big fluffy whoomph at the top. He stopped smiling at Seifer with that comment.  
  
"WOWZAS!!!" screeched Selphie. "I LOVE YOUR HAIR!!" Since she's Selphie, she just HAD to touch the boy's black-and-white hair, so she ran over and gave the kid a big noogie.  
  
The boy blinked and edged away, removing Selphie's hands from his hair. "Who are you? You really shouldn't be here, you know."  
  
"My name is Selphie!" she replied earnestly. "And these people are Squall, Seifer, and Zell! We were whisked here by Yoda's brother as punishment for killing Yoda himself! And we want to be your FREEND."  
  
"Um.okay.and I'm Hatsuharu.sorry, Selphie, but this is a private residence. You should leave now or you'll get in trouble, ya know." Haru advised.  
  
"RAIJIN!!!!" Selphie squealed.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Oh nothing."  
  
"Are you going or not?!" Haru asked, starting to become impatient.  
  
"We can't," Selphie said. Then the narrator decided she was going to change the story format a little cuz she was sick of saying said.  
  
Haru: Why not?  
  
Selphie: Cuz we don't have anywhere to go. We're gonna live here from now on, until we find a way back to Balamb.  
  
Squall, Seifer, and Zell: We are?  
  
Selphie: We HAVE to, or this wouldn't be a good crossover fic!  
  
Squall Seifer and Zell: Oh.okay.  
  
Haru: First we'll have to ask Akito. He's the head of the Sohma clan.  
  
Selphie: Sounds good to me!  
  
Seifer: Head?! You mean he RULES you?!  
  
Haru: Yup.  
  
Seifer: NO! I WANT TO RULE YOU! I MUST OWN EVERYBODY AND EVERYTHING!  
  
Haru: .Too bad for you. Now c'mon. *takes them to the main house*  
  
~AT THE MAIN HOUSE~  
  
Haru: These people wanna know if they can stay here with us.  
  
Akito: .I-  
  
Seifer: Move over, you in the pink! I'm leader now! I OWN YOU ALL! WAHAHAHA!  
  
Akito: You can't do that, I was born into this positon you fool!  
  
Seifer: No.I'm sure we were switched at birth or something. Oh well. I rule now.  
  
Akito: T_T No.and you can't stay here. Be gone with you.  
  
Seifer: Do not speak out to your captain, your ruler, and your king!  
  
Akito: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! I'M THE LEADER!  
  
Seifer: NO! I AM! I SHOULD BE THE LEADER OF EVERYTHING!!!  
  
~Akito and Seifer start attacking each other in a little cloud of smoke in the background~  
  
Selphie: Well.we'll stay whether Akito likes it or not. Sohma House, you've gotchaself some new residents! ^__^  
  
Haru: You can't! We don't want you here!  
  
Selphie: Do you want me to noogie you with POWER, Hatsuharu?  
  
Haru: No, not the Power Noogie! NOT THE POWER NOOGIE!!!!  
  
Selphie: Good. Then we shall stay. At Haru's house. ^_^  
  
Haru: WHAT?! O.o  
  
Zell and Squall: *watch Akito and Seifer strangle each other*  
  
Seifer: I have a gunblade, and I'm not afraid to use it!  
  
Akito: So?! I have birds!  
  
Seifer: What can birds do?!  
  
Akito: Lotsa stuff! MIND OVER MATTER WAHAHAHAHA!!  
  
Seifer: YOU SHALL FALL, FOR MY GUNBLADE SHALL SLAY YOU!!!  
  
Akito: HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THE MOVIE "THE BIRDS"? I HAVE THE POWER!!!  
  
Seifer: AAAAARRGH! *attacks Akito with gunblade*  
  
Akito: AAAAARRGH! *attacks Seifer with mighty bird armies*  
  
Haru: *takes Squall Zell and Selphie to his house* Well, here we are. I guess if you're going to stay with me you can sleep on sleeping bags in the living room. *walks away*  
  
Zell: I've come prepared! *whips out sleeping bag from nowhere*  
  
Squall: . *takes out his too*  
  
Selphie: Yaay sleepover party! Yaay! ^_^ *takes out her prettiful pink one*  
  
Zell: Here, I guess I'll whip out Seifer's too since he ain't here yet. *whips out Seifer's bag that says "Only You Can Prevent Forest Fires"*  
  
Selphie: Wow, I didn't know Seifer was a Smokey The Bear fan!  
  
Zell: Of course he is! I've seen his collection! He has Smokey the Bear everything! Lighters, matches, cigarettes, flamethrowers.  
  
Squall: .Why would Smokey the Bear make merchandise like that?  
  
Zell: Dunno, but the matches are fun! When you strike one, the matchbox says "Never play with matches kids!" IT'S SO COOL!  
  
Squall: .  
  
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Okay everyone! That was a short chapter, but plz r&r! I'd really appreciate it! In our next chapter we'll throw in two more Sohmas! Kyo and Momiji! Yaaaay!  
  
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Zell: S'up everyone! It's time for.  
  
Little Background Ladies: Zell's Aftertaste!  
  
Zell: Ahem.*glares*  
  
Little Background Ladies: Errr...Zell's Afterthought!  
  
Zell: Hi everyone! I come here after every chapter to say or show you somethin' really cool! Today I'm proud to present my favorite comic of all time! Ta-da! Take a peek at IT'S A TRUE WORK OF ART!! 


	2. Charlie's Moogles GONE BALLISTIC! AAAHH!

Chapter 2: Charlie's Moogles Gone BALLISTIC!! AAAHH!!!  
  
DISCLAIMER: No, I don't own Fruits Basket or Final Fantasy VIII. OMG THAT WAS HARD!! I hate writing disclaimers. They make me so mad at the fact I DON'T own these glorious creations.then again, maybe it's a good thing I don't.  
  
~NEXT MORNING~  
  
Selphie: *yawns* Oh, wow, what a wonderful dream! It was in only black-and- white and it was about Squall and he was taking off his clothes and-  
  
Squall: .  
  
Selphie: I mean.heheh.where's Seifer?  
  
Seifer: *is in his sleeping bag curled up in a widdle ball sucking his thumb*  
  
Selphie: Oh, there he is.I wonder who won last night's fight?  
  
Zell: Come on! We're boring the readers here! Let's go out and meet more Soumas! CHEER ALL YE WILD FURUBA MANIACS!!!  
  
Wild Furuba Maniacs: YAAAY!  
  
SeeDs: *go outside but leave Seifer to sleep like a baby*  
  
Kyo: YOU! PEOPLE WITH THE STRANGE CLOTHES! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!  
  
Selphie: Geezus, Mr. Orangehead, you don't have to yell. And we live here now, so THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!  
  
Kyo: STOP YELLING YOU STUPID OUTSIDER GIRL!!!  
  
Zell: .  
  
Squall: So.I guess you're another one of those Souma people?  
  
Zell: .  
  
Kyo: YEAH! WHAT'D YOU THINK I WAS?!  
  
Zell: .  
  
Squall: Uh.dunno.*looks to selphie* .Where did you get that rabbit, Selphie?  
  
Zell: .  
  
Selphie: I hugged this one kid for no reason whatsoever! And then he turned into a rabbit! For no reason whatsoever! And I'm petting him now! For no reason whatsoever!  
  
Zell: .  
  
Squall: .he turned into a rabbit? o.o  
  
Momiji: Yeah, that's right! I'm Momiji Souma, and I turn into a Rabbit because of the Souma family's Curse! The Curse is that when we are hugged by someone of the opposite stress we turn into animals from the Chinese Zodiac! And I'm the Year of the Rabbit!  
  
Zell: .  
  
Kyo: YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO TELL `EM THAT!!  
  
Momiji: Aw, why not? The secret should be spread throughout the world!  
  
Zell: .  
  
Squall: That's.interesting.animals.oh well. Uh.Zell.you're unusually quiet.  
  
Zell: .it's so.beautiful.  
  
Squall: Huh? What is?  
  
Zell: Kyo's.yelling.it's beautiful.AH YES! YELLING IS THE MOST WONDERFUL THING EVER!!! KYO, YOUR YELLING INSPIRES ME!!!  
  
Kyo: REALLY?! COOL!!! I HAVE NEVER INSPIRED ANYBODY BEFORE WITH MY POINTLESS YELLING!!!  
  
Zell: WELL IT INSPIRES ME!!! YELLING IS TRUE MAGIC!!!  
  
Kyo: YES!!! IT IS INDEED!!! COME NOW, LET US GO AND BECOME A YELLING DUO, PRANCING THROUGH THE STREETS SCREAMING AT THE TOPS OF OUR LUNGS LIKE MORONS!!!  
  
Zell: OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Zell and Kyo: *go off prancing down the streets screaming at the top of their lungs*  
  
Squall: They seem to be.friends.  
  
Selphie: Aw, you're so cute, Momiji!  
  
Momiji: And you're so cute too, Selphie-chan!  
  
Selphie: *huggles Momiji*  
  
Momiji: *huggles Selphie*  
  
Selphie: I'm hungry. Is there anywhere to eat here?  
  
Momiji: Sure! C'mon, I'll show you around and we can be happy-go-lucky cheery people forever! ^_^  
  
Selphie: Okay! ^_^  
  
Momiji and Selphie: *go prancing off down the road being perky people*  
  
Squall: .and Selphie's made a friend.but as usual, I am the anti-social one.  
  
~MEANWHILE~  
  
Zell: *runs up to Hatori's house and knocks on the door*  
  
Hatori: *opens door* .yes?  
  
Zell: *screams at top of lungs* GNARF!!! *runs off*  
  
Kyo: My turn! *runs up to Rin and Kagura's house and knocks on door*  
  
Rin: *opens door* I didn't drown that boy.Oh hi Kyo.  
  
Kyo: YOINK!!! *runs off*  
  
Zell and Kyo: *hop up and down giggling with excitement from their newfound game* Yay! Yelling spree! XD  
  
Kyo: Let's go yell at the high school!  
  
Zell: Okay! *runs with kyo to the high school*  
  
Kyo: Now then, folks, our Yellow-Belly Yelling Spree is a very prestigious event! You'll have to tune in next time on.uh.The Dincht and Souma Yell- Like-A-Madman Show!  
  
Zell: See you there! *winks and does a toothpaste commercial smile*  
  
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Well, sorry for that being a short chapter, but I wanted to update fast! The next chapter will be longer, I promise! Heehee.Next chapter: The Dincht and Souma Yell-Like-A-Madman Show! There'll be tons of loud excitement for all ages! By Milton Bradley.  
  
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Zell: S'up everybody! I hope you're ready for.  
  
Little Background Ladies: Zell's Afterthought!  
  
Zell: Yay.you got it right this time.Now today I've decided to throw in a little interview with a Souma JUST-FOR-YOU! C'mon in, Special Guest Souma!  
  
Ritsu: Hello boys and girls! It's me, Ritsu Souma! And I'm here to talk you about sexual harassment!  
  
Zell: No you're not! You're here to talk about what it's like to be you!  
  
Ritsu: Oh.okay.Well, the first thing I should have you know is that all you Fruits basket fanatics have analyzed me quite wrongly indeed. When you think of Ritsu, you probably think of that guy who dresses like a girl and apologizes every five seconds! WRONG! That's not the TRUE me!  
  
Zell: Yes it is. We know what you're like, Ritsu.  
  
Ritsu: NO YOU DON'T! *takes out machine gun and chases after Zell shooting him* YOU KNOW NOTHING!!!  
  
Zell: *runs* Ack! Cut! CUT! Charlie, stop filming!  
  
Charlie: The moogles are coming, the moogles are coming.  
  
Zell: CHARLIE!!  
  
Ritsu: DIE YOU CYNICAL MOTHER FU--*to be continued next time* 


End file.
